For the September and October OPEC blogs, we are going to be sharing the voices of Oregon State University students who took a course on “Parenting Research and Application” (HDFS 312).
At the end of the term, students were asked: What is the most useful piece of advice/information you have learned from this course that you think would be helpful to parents/caregivers?
Here’s what they said!
The most useful piece of information I learned is…
…that there is not one “right” way to parent. While there are many methods and techniques to be a great parent, each child is different and it is important that parents realize that they must work with their child and really understand who their child is. The best way to do this is through creating strong, open communication lines. That is the glue that holds together parents and children. –Cheyenne Fasana
… that the first years of your child’s life is the most critical. I have learned so much about how important it is to talk to your child and to let them talk to you. I have also learned that parent education isn’t as well known or accessible as I think it should be. I have learned so much from this course, and I have already shared so much of this information with family and friends, I can’t wait to keep spreading what I know. –Anonymous
… that parents are their child’s biggest role models. Each child learns so much in a very fast amount of time, and parents have the biggest hand in what they learn. Parenting is hard work, but it can also be extremely rewarding and fun if you teach your child how to swing the ropes of life properly. It’s scary to think that a child is so dependent for many years on a parent, but with the right tactics and the ambition to ask for help, a child can be successful. –Brooke Meyer
… that there are so many different resources available to parents if they need it. A parent who is having their first child is able to find any sort of class that they might need if they feel like they need help preparing and that is a really great thing. –Anonymous
… that I think it is important for parents to know is that there is no such thing as “bad parenting.” Sometimes people may make a bad parenting decision, but that doesn’t mean they are a bad parent. It’s life, and we all make mistakes when it comes to raising children. Every parent has been there, every parent has a “bad parenting” moment. Also, I think all parents should partake in all of the numerous parenting sites/ classes that are available to them! There is so much to learn about your child that can help them in more ways than you may even know. –Morgan Cross
… that there are many forms of discipline. As parents, when we become upset with an action that our child does, we need to stay calm and avoid using inconsistent, irritable, low involvement, rigid and physical punishment. When disciplining, we need to be disciples and remember that our children follow our example. When children are loved unconditionally and reinforced by desirable behaviors, children are going to want to do what is asked of them because they love and respect their parents just as their parent’s love and respect them. -Karalee Behling
…the stages of child development. I believe that if more people understand the natural tendencies for infants, toddlers, preschoolers, school ages up to young adulthood, more parents would find solace in knowing that each is a natural phase of growth and approach the ebbs and flows eager to guide their children through the phase as gracefully as possible. –Anonymous
… the use of natural consequences in parenting versus other forms of discipline. I think as a parent it is so hard to follow through at times and let your child experience that consequence. We do not like to see our child upset or suffer. I think it’s an important concept that stepping back and letting your child experience that consequence provides a learning opportunity for them, and that’s not a negative thing. –Anonymous
… explained in First Compassion, Then Teaching by H. Wallace Goddard. Goddard describes that sensible rules should include at least the following, ”(1) Be careful about the rules you make. (2) Consistently enforce the rules you make. (3) Use consequences (4) Keep the relationship positive. (5) Give children lots of real choices.” I feel like these rules serve as simple reminders, or guidance, to parents and caregivers. -Stephanie Khauv
… how to pick out proper child care and cognitive development of an infant. To me infants are the most challenging to figure out. It is important to know how their mind develops and how you can nurture, and communicate with them at an age when communication is challenging. I really found all of this class useful. I think that any information about children and life is something that every person could use. –Anonymous
… the tips for healthy fighting. Looking over the list I was able to see what strategies my family used when I was young and what I want to improve with my children. I didn’t realize how important it is to truly listen to your child. Also the week we learned about different parenting techniques and how some parents ignore their children and that could make them sexually active at a younger age. SCARY! I’ll remember that forever. –Anonymous
…that more than any other type of parenting style, I learned that when we use an authoritative style of parenting, children are more likely to grow to be caring, respectful, contributing members of society. This means parents need to be nurturing, develop a secure attachment as well as be high in responsiveness and high in expectations- but with reason and explanation. These valuable and effective skills can be acquired from the many evidence based Parenting Education Programs in existence today. Nobody is born knowing how to parent; parenting is a learned skill. Parenting Education is for everybody and our children and society highly benefit from it now, and most assuredly in the future. –Angelynn Proctor
… the breakdown of the different parenting styles. While mentioned in numerous of my previous HDFS classes, I think the intensive and descriptive teaching on each style and it’s effects on the both the child and child-parent relationship has really helped me understand parenthood. Not only in the context of my own desire to have children one day, but also in my career and my relationship with other individuals. In the last couple weeks, I have been unconsciously analyzing myself, my family and friends, my clients even–and making connections between their personality/behavior and the relationships they share with their parents. With my youngest clients especially, this has been incredibly beneficial as I work with both the child and their parents. In order to successfully help families work together when their conflict resolution skills breakdown, it’s incredibly valuable to be able to understand the root of certain tensions and problems within the family dynamic. –Anonymous
… that in a world in which poverty is continuing to rise and resources are rapidly disappearing, the importance of communal effort is paramount for the well-being of our children. People need to know they are not alone in their struggles. The saying “it takes a village” is of much significance in the realm of parenthood. Advocacy for our youth and the betterment of our adults is vital in diminishing the gap of dysfunction and instability. The benefits of such programs far outweigh the negatives. One should not feel shamed in asking for assistance; after all, it is for the sake of raising confident and resilient children. It is of no question that the investment of parenting education is exceptionally important. We invest in knowledge by investing in each other. We mustn’t forget that we all start somewhere; the power of knowledge is real. The parent who wishes to acquire more knowledge for the benefit of their child is not a bad one. -Amanda Sampson
As an educator, I think it is important to start as young as possible when it comes to teaching kids any and all skills they will need when they start school. That includes academic skills, sharing, following directions, following the rules and being respectful to others. Ask questions, share advice and never be afraid to discipline your kids in a loving and respectful manner. –Anonymous
…to seek more information. Always learn new things and best practices, especially when it comes to caring for children and encouraging their development. After loving them and caring for them, there is so much that can be done to ensure they grow into loving, caring, productive human beings. You have to seek out this information. Some aspects of parenting are ingrained, but parenting and child development is so much more complex that it appears. If we are to give children their best chance and give society a fantastic addition, learn all that you can about parenting and child development. -Anonymous
…probably the information on parenting children with special needs. I want to be a teacher, so it was really great to read all the content on the subject. I especially liked the topic of not labeling a student as a “blind student” that their disability does not make define them. This is definitely something I will make sure to be aware of in my classroom. –Anonymous
… to take your time and be patient with kids, especially when you’re raising them to build their own personality with their morals and ethics. A lot of parents nowadays are way too busy working to provide for their family, which is justified because of the rising costs of living, it’s still important to not forget about your kids and just let daycare teach them what they need to know. It’s important as parents to have a basic foundation with your children so you can have open communication with your kids as it will make parenting a lot easier when they understand you. –Tracy Tran
… the perspective of the children, and how we need to acknowledge this and accommodate for it. Kids and adolescents are more likely to act in certain ways because of where they are in their development. –Anonymous
…is the social bond that you need to develop with you and your young child. Doing beneficial activities together help increase the bond between the parent and child. Examples would be like playing friendly games together or washing the dishes, cooking dinner together. –Anonymous
The best thing you can do for your kids is to be there for them. From talking to your baby as you feed him, to being there to answer questions as he cooks a meal for the first time, to listening to him talk about a problem at school as you drive together — these are the moments that give your children a strong foundation from which to succeed. Never underestimate the incredible impact responsive parenting has on raising a healthy, happy, well-adjusted child. -Michelle Tennant
I think one of the most pertinent things from this course was the unit on facilitating optimum cognitive and psychosocial development in adult children. Understandably the focus of parenting is often on the younger years when things are new and parents struggle the most, but support often waivers after adolescence leave parents to try and figure things out on their own while not obtaining new information and fresh ideas. This unit allowed for a perspective that isn’t usually covered and is too often overlooked. –Nichole LeSage
The information provided in this course is all useful. If there was one particular piece that I would hope parents could utilize the most, it is that there is no set path to raising a child once the secure foundation has been provided. Just as every mother will encounter a different birthing experience, every mother will raise a different and unique child, even if they have more than one. A method or technique used with one, might not work with another. Just be patient, and try something different, and never be afraid to ask for help. –Anonymous
Watch for Part II in OPEC’s October blog!